For this series I wanted to try out a different approach to my photography and change the factors leading up to taking the photo itself. By adding a personal connection with the subject, the photo ultimately has more weight to it. I started by talking to my subjects about a secret that only they know about, involving themselves and perhaps someone else. After settling on a specific secret in their mind, I would leave the subjects in the same room without any distractions to contemplate on that secret and allow it to 'sink in' and 'reflect' on their body language. When the subjects were ready in their own time (between 10-40 mins), they would exit the room and sit at the stool. Once I feel that the true emotion that is produced by the secret is reflected off the subject, that is when I would click the shutter in order to capture the real feeling of their secret.
The secrets (IN NO ORDER)
“I know something happened to me, but I can’t remember what happened, all I know that it was my dad, it was him.”
"She took away my 'No' and drugged me into submission."
“When I was 17 my cousin’d friend saved me from being gang raped, he was in on it too.”
“I abused myself when I was younger to fill the void of my inferiority.”
"I haven't looked at my face in the mirror in the past 6 years and liked what I saw."
"When I was younger my stepbrother forced me to touch him inappropriately, I remember everything about what happened but I'm not sure if it's real."
“Three experiences in my life gave me three different personalities.”
“He manipulated my innocence out of me. He stole all my firsts, my first kiss, my first touch, my first love, which lead me down a dark path.”
"I was bulimic from when I was 12-20 to try to change my appearance because of how others treated me."
"There's a tension in me between love and hate battling to control my urge to murder my brother for the pain his deluded selfish acts cause. To find or lose him, I can't decide."
“I caused my parents to get divorced.”
"Even though I haven't self harmed in 11 months, everyday I'm worried I might relapse."
"When I was younger my father was murdered, so I had to help my mother raise my younger sisters."
“I wanna be a man for all the wrong reasons, just so I can feel normal.”
"Being attracted to people who are unavailable, makes it easy to keep my space."
“Why do I always trust fucked up people?”
"Out of fear of hurting her I ended up betraying her."
“When I got pregnant, I thought I had two choices, I could escape or jump off a high building.”
"Because of a verbal altercation I lost the only person I ever loved through suicide."
“The fear of hurting him haunts me till this day.”
“I turned down an extremely generous offer to sell drugs, knowing what it has done to family and friends.”
"Her death disoriented me and I don't know what else to do."
“I will never be able to introduce someone I love to my family, I can never have THAT wedding.”
"I want the man that raped me to know I still miss him."
“Postpartum depression severely changed me until I was heavily medicated.”
"Never being able to live up to my own expectations."
"I'm afraid that my ex boyfriend is going to try to kill me again."
“I almost OD’d a couple months ago, people think it was an accident but it wasn't”
“Growing up I was mistreated by my biological parents and it has effected every aspect of my adult life, I can’t trust easily.”
“I was his entire world and I let him down, I was his source of life and I killed him.”
"I've become quite accustom to presenting my collected self to the world, while simultaneously keeping my darker self out of view."
“I get high to forget the times I let him put his hands on me.”
"I'm scared to let people in because I know I have so much to give and I don't want to get hurt."
"Severe fear of failure, and muted emotions, paradoxically combined with an egomaniacal sense of self."
“Every male in my life has died or is a dick, I shit you not.”
"I don't have much time, 30,40, even 50 years, it is still not enough time to accomplish what I need to."
"I discovered my father's secret affair and I have to live with this secret in fear of it ruining our lives."
“30 years I’ve been seeing myself as lesser than my sister, I’ve finally learned to love myself. I don’t hate her, I love her.”
"I have a lot of guilt from loving so many people at the same time that it hurts those people and myself."
".. I still lie about what I eat."
"I was forced a blindfold by a word, and after fighting for a long time, I'm afraid something will place it back again."
"I'm afraid that one day I'll grow up to be like my adulterant father."
“A hazy memory of being sexually assaulted has dictated my whole life.”
“I live my life for people, not for myself. I’m lost and disconnected. When I look at the mirror, it’s like ‘who is that?’. I’m too exhausted to try to keep up with people, to keep up with appearances.”
"Growing up being emotionally abused by all the influences have made me into that very monster thats goes around abusing other people."
"I wanna speak to my father, but I can't, because I don't understand his language."
“For years I had memories of abuse, never certain, I kept them hidden in my head until they poured out. He was to blame for all this pain, It’s him, it’s my father.”
"Hearing my mom screaming my name launched me into a frenzy in front of my dad because he was about to hit her; and for almost a month I slept with a knife under my pillow."
"I want to be successful for my parents despite that their idea of success does not match up with mine."
"I spend way too much money on drugs that should be helping me but only helps me for a short time."
"Even though we've been through a lot together, I don't love him as much as I used to."
“Being skinny makes me anxious, being anxious makes me not eat, not eating makes me skinny.”
"The love I share with another is bound by restrictions, love, religion, and politics."
"Because of my skin condition, it has caused me to be depressed, which has made me less confident, and upset that I don't have a boyfriend."
“I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years.”
"After years of being in a relationship, a couple of weeks before our engagement, I was let down by the person I love."
"I've visited a couple of "special" massage places."
"His advances were unwanted and so was the reputation that I gained shortly after."
“He hasn’t kissed me in months.”
"I tried to fill the void made by my dad from his abuse by getting the missing affection from different guys through out my life."
"I fear that people will find out that I'm not as good as I say I am or as they think I am."
"When he was away for 4 months, she took advantage of him and got away with it."
“I was planning on committing suicide by driving really fast into a wall.”
"My entire life I've been sexually harassed and grouped but I've been too shocked to react."
"I wish my parents never met."
"Even though he told me he trusted me, he went through my phone and demanded to know if I was seeing someone else."
“I know what he did that weekend I was really sick.”